being sweet n understanding

why can't i be sweet to the one that's supposed to be the closest person to me? i can be nice to other people, even to that old friend who just called me an hour ago, although it can't be said as sweet. it's just being polite, actually.

maybe it's just that people do take things for granted, as i did myself about this.

i never want to make her mad, unhappy or the least bit of sad, especially when she's in this condition, but it always turns out that way. it's like we can't get along well more than an hour. there's always something that would make me feel impatient about her, start from her being very care about me that often feels like she's nagging me with unimportant things like asking me to eat (repeated every 5 mins until i actually eat! i'm 24, not 14 thank you) to her slowness in getting important things i've been explaining to her.

aunt susan n my friends told me to be patient n give her more attention, but it often end up in me adding my guilt n karma list.

sigh.. this is the reason i often go out with my friends. kinda like running away from my problems, eh? but that's just the way it is. if getting along often just feel like hell for both of us, then not seeing too much of each other might be better rite? we can't really understand each other cos we're not trying hard enough. hey, this is not a big thing but it does could affect our relationship.