never judge me from what you look outside. you'll never know what it's like to be in my shoes, so don't be a smartass.

a big question mark

setiap hari dimulai dengan perasaan berat, dijalani dengan perasaan hampa dan diakhiri dengan perasaan capek.
tanya kenapa?

kenapa. itu adalah satu di antara macam2 kata tanya atau pertanyaan lainnya yg paling susah buat dijawab. apa, siapa, dimana, kapan, dll itu masih lebih bisa dijawab dengan gampang karena lebih jelas. kalo kenapa itu yg susah karena jawabannya adalah berupa penjelasan yg kadang orang yg bersangkutan sendiri susah buat ngertiinnya.

i need a break from this hell before i lose it.
i need a break from the monster.
we need a break from each other, actually.
temporarily or permanently.

i wanna get out of this whole madness.
i NEED to leave this whole life jokes before i went crazy.
somebody please safe me. anybody.
i don't have the power to safe myself out of this mess.
i'm not a supergirl or other super heroes. i need one, instead.
i may look strong outside but i'm not that tough. i'm not.
really, i'm just made of flesh and blood like the rest of us.

riddle time

.. _.. ___ ..__ _... _ _ .... ._ _ .... . .. ... ._. .. __. .... _ .._. ___ ._. __
.. _.. ___ _. _ _ .... .. _. _._ .... . _._. ._ _. ... .._ .__. .__. ___ ._. _ __ . .. _. _ .... . .__ ._ _.__ .. .__ ._ _. _ ___ ._. _. . . _..

hmph.. by the time i post this writing it automatically rearrange the gap i've put in between. darn it.

the nut house

there are times when i feel like my world is collapsing. no, wait. it's me who could go crash and burn any minute. just wait and see for how much longer i could hang on to this whole life's madness. and there's a darn bad excuse for that.

i've been walking with no clear direction nor destination for the past few years. clueless. sad but true to say that my whole life up to this moment is meaningless. what's the point of all this, anyway? i went through day by day with no satisfaction to life. i do grateful for what i have now, all of them. two parents, a small business that could earn enough money to buy food and pay the bills, a good bf (he prefers to be described as unique and maybe that's more suitable, actually), and some good friends, but still i can't get the aim of the life itself.

each day is filled with routine stuff, the same thing each and everyday. from weeks to months and then years. and none of those contribute a meaningful significant value to the journey. i guess none of those were done from the heart, eh?

again, maybe it's just me. maybe i do need to really hold on to a religion to guide me as they always say?

female boss from hell

dulu si hel suka cerita, entah dengan hiperbola yg bener2 berlebihan atau beneran, kalo bosnya dia itu bener2 suka nyiksa orang. bos cewek. anak buahnya semua tiap hari berangkat ke kantor dengan perasaan deg-degan was2 mikir entah apa lagi yg bakal terjadi hari ini. apakah si ibu hari ini lagi baik atau lagi gila lagi seperti kebanyakan harinya. kerja sama si ibu itu bisa dibilang jadi having no normal life. jam pulang kantor hari biasa bisa jam 9-10an, bahkan sabtu atau malah minggu pun bisa aja tiba2 disuruh masuk. pernah sekali yg gue tau dia malem minggu di kantor ampe jam 3 pagi kalo gak salah. entah sebenernya yg dikerjain itu bener2 penting atau cuma si ibu aja yg suka aneh2.

jujurnya, sampe saat si hel berhenti kerja disana, walaupun dengan gaji yg kalo orang denger bisa langsung kaget dan pengen, gue selalu mikir kayaknya si hel aja yg melebih2kan. tekanan batin dan sering nangis sendiri karena sakit hati katanya. mungkin karena gue gak pernah bener2 ada di posisi dia jadinya gue bisa mikir gitu. tapi gak dikit juga yg mikir sama kayak gue kalo dengan gaji di atas rata2 seperti itu sih kayaknya wajar2 aja. malah sepertinya kerjaan benernya tuh gak susah tapi yg susah itu ngadepin si ibu aja.

dan setelah sekian lama akhirnya gue nyadar kenapa gue bisa mikir seperti itu. dengan situasi yg gue alamin uda lebih dari 2 taon ini, dengan perasaan was2 gak enak setiap bangun pagi, gue ngerasa yg dialamin si hel dan temen2 kantornya itu belom ada apa2nya. atau mungkin sama aja rasanya biarpun beda subjectnya karena gue sepertinya uda familiar dengan hal2 tidak menyenangkan seperti itu.

c got his promotion as the new acting CM there!! he'll be on probation for 6 months, and then if things are ok, he'll replace the previous cm who now is in charge for pp.

congrats and all the best, dear.

another ex's wedding bell

eko is getting married this sunday!!! whoaa, all my ex are getting married!

kemaren sore tiba2 ada bel dari bawah katanya ada yg anter surat, jadi suruh pembokat tolong ambilin. eh tau2nya wedding invitation si eko buat hari minggu ini. hm.. tapi kok ga ada sopan santunnya untuk contact dan ngomong langsung ya? emang gak niat ngundang juga kali ya ngirim undangannya juga tinggal bbrp hari doank waktunya. so, gue bisa suka2 kalo mau ya gue dateng, kalo gak ya udah kan? sebodo amat gak penting juga kok buat gue hehe. trus menurut gue ma nat ada yg rada aneh jg tapi egp lah. kalo kata orang pasti siapa gue siapa loe hehe.

anyway, congrats deh buat mereka. akhirnya kawin muda juga mereka.

kemaren pas terima undangan itu si c lagi ada disini. dia dateng dari minggu pagi trus kemaren malem balik. pas abis terima undangannya gue langsung bentar2 ketawa geli terus gak bisa berhenti kira2 stengah jam ada kali tuh.

oiya, ada yg ampir kelupaan. kemaren the first time ever g nyoba bikin kue. oreo cheesecake sih jadi yg bener2 gampang buat pemula hehe. yg bagian susahnya cuma ngaduk2 adonannya dan itu bagiannya si c deh hihi.

life is indeed full of surprises, eh? funny, great, sad, stupid and other kinds of surprises. and all of them paints a colour in our life.