expectation

few days ago i got a question about whether i have any expectation about something. frankly, no. i dare not expect anything anymore, whether about life, friendship, etc. well, at least i don't expect for the impossible. i try to keep my expectation low so when things just turn out unlike what i want it to be i won't feel disappointed or hurt like what happened last time. but hey, i'm just a girl, a human being. although i don't expect anything but still there is some expectation. blank one thou, cos there's nothing to expect. confusing, eh? well, i did say i am complicated. who doesn't?

i do expect to get some respect. not the kind of respect you give to someone you honor or anything, i'm not someone crazy about being respected/honored. just a simple respect by treating me in a good n decent way, not changing between your moods. and for this one, i know it's not supposed to be like this but i want the other person to be open n honest as in if there's a new player, whether for real or just another thing, i wanna know so that i could have a chance to walk out first. is that too much to ask? i know i have no right whatsoever, and i know it makes me sounds weird, but i don't want to be in the middle of something nor something to compare of. maybe it's just that i don't like how it might turn up if it's not good for me. yeah, complicated. as i said, i'm just a human being with feelings n afraid to be hurt no matter what, so there's nothing wrong to be cautious rite?

a cute quote from pooh bear

I used to believe in forever, but forever is too good to be true.

If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you.

nothing to lose

my neck n shoulder are pain right now. don't know whether i slept on the wrong side of the pillow or what.

i blabbed too much yesterday. well, i can't do much if people judge me less cos that's just what it is. can't change who i am. i used to think that i'm worthless anyway.

life

this is taken from a random blog I found n i think it's interesting.

Do you ever wonder what life is about? I do. It's an insane roller coaster spinning around in circles that never seems to stop. But it does stop, right when you don't need it too. Right when it starts to straighten out, you find yourself free falling into a pit of disaster, filled with writhing snakes and roaring tigers, waiting to eat you up. And you can't stop it. You can't prevent it. And then you find yourself having to get yourself out of your pit, right after you just helped someone get out.

falling in love n the craps

love. what is love?

some said it starts with a kiss and ends with tears. some said it never ends.

what's it like to fall in love? how does it feel? is it really something that can change a person to a better someone like they said in all the romance novels and romantic drama?

yesterday ellen called n she said she's experiencing it now, all the things that we all thought it only exist in movies, novels and all the fairytales. well, this is actually her second time. i'm not sure about mine.

i wanna have it too. in a real sense, not just the excitement in the beginning of something that fades with time n boredom. is there anyone out there who can make me feel that way? and for me to return the head over heels feeling to that other half.

but that's not all. here comes the real thing. the next after falling in love is trying to make things work, not only between the 2 but everything. i mean everything. starts from accepting each other the way they are we have to adapt with each other's situation too. it's quite torturing to fall in love itself, in a good way as people say thou, so let alone the pain for letting go the impossible. a brilliant mix between sweet and bitterness.

but to be honest, i don't really believe there's such thing as true love anymore. love is not something that always wonderful, at least not completely just the good thing. it's not always a thing that suddenly come to you out of nowhere when you do nothing. it is sometime come when you least expect it but you do still need to reach it, to earn it. but again, maybe it's just me being cynical hehe..

hm.. i wanna watch old movies but don't know where to get it. i'm interested in casablanca, my fair lady n the one in the sleepless in seattle movie n other audrey hepburn's n the other classic beauties movies.

another blog

yeah this is the third online journal/diary/blog or whatever it is they call it. the point is i make this one just out of curiosity to create nice template like what other people got, but don't think i'm capable of doing that hehe..