feels like shit

if things go wrong, if shit happens, i might have to cancel this whole bali thing.

things just went wrong as if it's not bad and complicated enough.

how does it feel to be like one? what's it like to be in those shoes? i know i definitely not interested to be one like that *ketok2 jangan sampe deh, touch wood i won't meet anyone like that again ever*, stupid but loud. well, can only be loud only to those they feel superior if compared to. malu dikit donk!!

maybe the word stupid can't describe it precisely. actually not stupid. you can say smart. in a way. but too bad always letting cunning people outsmarted them and became prey of those pigs. that's why the inferior smart could only be applied to close people. to bully them. smart ass.

get what i mean? no? nvm.

btw an, i've got the trouville and my mom got the speedy. still thinking about the sonatine too thou. greedy, eh? nah, i'll get over it.

duren + sop kambing

kombinasi bego buat bikin darah tinggi and panas dalam. seperti yang pernah diceritain sama kambingjantan kayaknya de. sekarang pala gue sakit dari sejak bangun gara2 kemaren makan itu.

soal bali, akhirnya gue and n bakal stay sama nin di tempat cousin dia soalnya si er tiba2 jadi ikut. rusuh kan kalo ampe masuk 1 kamar hotel berenam? bisa gila kali nunggu giliran mandi. belom lagi sumpeknya.

ampe hari ini gue and n masih belom dapet juga. n uda decide to try the pill and i'm still sticking to the other alternative. maunya sih bisa beres sebelomnya atau skalian setelah pulang deh. males banget kalo mau main2 apalagi involve water activities tapi mikirin ginian.

mesti mikirin mau bawain apa buat cousinnya nin nih. gak enak kan kalo tau2 datang trus nginep sana cuma bawa diri.

sigh

confused. lost. blurry. +headache.

by the time i wrote this, i'm not even sure myself if the previous post is still relevant.

not so distant, huh?

dulu pas gue cerita kalo si c bakal pindah ke bdg gara2 ditransfer kerja kesana, temen2 gue langsung pada komen gini, "alahh, jkt-bdg doank sih dekettt, ga bisa dibilang long distance lah. kapan aja loe mau bisa ketemu, malah kalo mau bisa kok dia pulang kerja ke jkt buat dinner ma loe trus pulang bdg lagi." dpkcl jg pernah bilang "distance will make heart grow fonder". sweet, but not completely true. gue tau maksud mereka emang baik biar gue gak gimana2. well, pas awal sih emang gue gak gimana2 tapi kok lama2..

huh.

mana loe an, yk, dll? dulu gue belom komen apa2 uda dibilangin ini-itu, sekarang gue mo komen nih!

bdg-jkt emang deket tapi yg jadi urusan bukan cuma jaraknya doank tu. huh.. buktinya skrg dia tiap minggu ada day off 2 hari berturut-turut juga ga pernah tuh nongol disini. uda gitu kayaknya karena jam kerja dia yg rada sadis dan so pasti bikin cape jadinya boro2 ketemu, ngobrol di telpon aja kayaknya uda jarang tuh. well, kalo telpon sekali2 yg cuma nanya uda makan belom dan sejenisnya sih ada tapi yg bener2 ngobrol uda ga inget kapan terakhir. trus gara2 itu gue ngerasanya jadi jauh aja and gue jadi bete. ngomongnya doank kangen tapi dari minggu lalu ada libur 2 hari dan besok2nya pas masuk shiftnya malem juga gak nongol sama sekali.

gue tau mungkin dia cape karena jam dan waktu kerjanya sejak jadi MOD jadi gak tentu tapi tetep aja.. memang dulu gue yg pernah bilang kalo gimanapun gue bakal ngedukung dia soalnya dari awal interview job ini pun uda dibilang kalo semua kandidat ada kemungkinan dipindahin keluar kota sesuai kebutuhan tapi..

entah kenapa kalo menurut gue dia orang yg terlalu rasional dan sedikit banget pake feeling. memang kalo cowok dibilangnya kan lebh rasio daripada hati tapi ini sih bener2 pelit hati makanya gue suka bilang dia gak ada manis2nya. well, gue tau gak semua co lebih pake rasio dan gak semua ce lebih pake feeling tapi yg ini sih uda bener2 rasio banget. kayaknya semua tindakan bener2 dipikirin bagus jeleknya dulu jadi boro2 do things yg nekat atau dodol2 and go wild, yg spontan aja jarang apalagi yg namanya stupid things you do when you're into someone. gue pernah ngomong ke dia tapi jawaban dia simple dan rada nyebelin, "kan dari awal emang gue apa adanya.."

kartu mati. karena dia uda kayak mengisyaratkan kalo dia emang seperti itu, take it or leave it. what's left there for me to say? kesannya jadi kayak gue yg mesti ngejar2 dia buat dapet perhatian dia. hello, did you notice that i'm a girl? seperti kata el, biarpun kita suka sama co tapi kita jadi ce pengennya dimanjain dan dikejar, bukannya malah ngejar.

well, gue yakin kalo dia jg pasti punya uneg2 soal gue. honestly gue emang pernah kepikir buat reconsider this thing tapi buntut2nya selalu gue lupain dan coba jalanin lagi dengan pikiran mungkin gue yg terlalu banyak menuntut. tapi itu juga ada batasnya dan gue yakin dengan sifat gue yg super jelek dan keras ini gue bisa meledak sewaktu2 dan merusak semuanya. gak tau gimana dengan bom waktu punya dia apa bakal meledak lebih cepet dari punya gue.

jadi model sehari

kemaren akhirnya jadi jg ke studio tempat photo buat majalahnya. btw, nama majalahnya Ice. bisa liat sekilas di

dodolnya tuh gue (dan jj yg jd model satu lagi) bilang ok pas diminta nv tanpa tau ttg majalah ini sama sekali. jadi tuh rada malu2in pas disana gue nanya dengan polosnya ice tu majalah apa si? ga pernah liat.. huhuhu. untung orang2 dari majalahnya punya copynya (pastinya) jadi dikasih ke kita deh buat liat2. btw kita akhirnya cuma berdua karena model yg satu lagi (mungkin model beneran, gak kayak kita yg model asal comot) ga bisa dateng karena sakit.

sekilas info, majalah ini asalnya dari sby sejak 2004 trus ke bdg baru ke jkt kira2 3-4 bulan lalu. yg lucunya, katanya di sby orang2 bisa bayar buat jadi model cover majalah itu! weks.. napsu banget ga si? biarpun pada akhirnya pasti diseleksi dulu. dan buat model artikel dan bagian fashion seperti yg kemaren gue sama jj itu jg bisa apply. buset..

anyway, kemaren lumayan fun, cuma sebelnya gue ga bisa banyak gaya yg dicontohin sama orangnya. maklum deh emang bukan model dan emang gue jarang gerak jadinya kaku kali yah huhuhu. trus yg susahnya lagi biasa gue difoto cuma senyum tanpa gigi, nah kemaren smuanya mesti muka ceria jadi gue mesti ketawa. dan buat gue ketawa keliatan gigi tuh rada susah, yg ada beberapa kali tuh kayak senyum terpaksa alias gak tulus jadi lucunya si cc make up artist, audrey and ibu2 hair stylistnya, ami pada act konyol2 gitu biar gue ketawa pas dijepret haha.. si cc itu ampe julingin matanya biar gue ketawa pas liat dia. bae2 yah hehe. kalo jj sih emang senyumnya perfect jadi ga masalah sama sekali jadi bagus2 potonya dia.

hm.. can't wait to see the results sih tapi sayangnya kita ga akan dikasih fotonya sampe majalahnya terbit. yah, emang itu biasanya peraturan buat majalah kali ya, masa sebelom terbit potonya uda disebar dulu. tapi lucu jg sih kalo potonya dari skrg tapi terbitnya masih nanti apa style fashionnya belom lewat ya?

oh iya, gue sama jj dipotret buat edisi januari nanti. jadi penasaran tapi takut kalo jelek kan malu huhu..

model, anyone?

nv called me out of the blue on last saturday and asked if i'm willing to do it for the magz she worked for, and my first respond was: what? are you dialing the wrong number on you mobile contacts? are you sure it's the right d you're calling? cos my (face) skin is not one that's as smooth as a baby's butt (i know this was embarrassing..)

i think i kind of insulted her intelligence a bit there, didn't i? oh well, i was never one that instantly feel big-headed even if it's something flattering. anyway, after i'm a bit convinced that this isn't really a joke after she explained this and that, i said ok. although still with a bit unease feeling.

fyi, this magz is segmented for teenagers. yes, repeat, teenagers. and it's still new, i guess that's why instead of using pro models, they pick amateurs. maybe not all but 2 out of the 3 for tomorrow is definitely not models, atlhough i admit that jj got the looks.

well, it's tomorrow morning and there has been few sms informing this and that since sunday, so i'd better be there and see how it goes then.

things to do

1. going to bali on 30 nov - 4 dec
2. surabaya on 9 dec for a relative's wedding?
3. must visit penang and then to china with mr. ong

impluse craving

Sonatine

Trouville

Gucci

Gucci

(the one i'm interested in is not in this color. black really makes it look very dull and uninteresting. too bad can't copy pic from the official website so can only show this one)

nvm. i can't afford or make myself bought it anyway..

thought about getting 2nd ones but the price is still high that you'd think you might as well just get the new one from Paris.. or just get the fakes??

partner = controlling department?

met dj this afternoon when i went to Hosei-ji with mom and the new maid. when he gave us a lift home after the afternoon chant, dw called while we were on the way. from the conversations, we could know that she asked him general questions a wive would ask his hubby when it's already off office hour like where and what he's doing now. if you knew my mom, being one of the aunties crowd that sometimes kepo, you'd knew that she will comment on it and it went like this:

mom : wow, you two still sound romantic
dj : hehe it sounds more like controlling department calling
me : mwahaha (hey, it does sound funny, don't you think?)

hm.. makes me wonder if c thought that way if i call him.

well, that's not the first time i heard people talk that way about their bf/gf, spouse or anyone who often call them.

i actually ask dj is it true that men think that women are controlling them when they call them? his smart reply was: it depends on how they ask the guy. if it's just in normal conversation, then it's ok. but if it sounds "hostile", it would make them feel uncomfortable. well, actually not only men cos nin hates it too when ed asks her things.

hm..

quarter pounder chicken

it's the last day of being 24 and i'm the least bit of becoming less stubborn and more mature and my life is still a mess and so on and so forth, so naturally i'm not that excited plus it's the time of the month. i guess bad habits die hard, although i really am not proud of it.

i'm such a grumpier soon-gonna-be-quarter-of-centutry-old, arent't i? perhaps i can just blame it to the time of the month. nah, who am i kidding?