rainbow premonitions?

few days ago before i woke up i had this weird dream. i dreamt of seeing 2 very big bright rainbows that showed up one after another in just few minutes and both were so close to me. i could almost see the both end of the rainbows, but i couldn't remember what was there. i used to read a comic book saying that when you saw a rainbow, there would be something precious at the end of it. remember that, ndun?

that dream continues. oh, it was in a park but it's not somewhere familiar to me. as i walk pass the park as the second rainbow fades, i was heading to a building where i saw a stairway next to the building that goes down to a housing area and there's an old lady that looked confused. i figured she's afraid of walking down the stairs by herself, and so i offered to walk her and take her hand. by the time we were ready to take the steps, suddenly the walls around it starts cracking and water came out of it and people came running from and to everywhere to stay away from it. when i was looking around to find a safe place, the old lady found her husband and so i let her be with her husband while i was still trying to get a grip on the situation. next thing i remember, it got worse and i started running too. i was trying to go back to where the old lady and her husband was but i was lost. and when i tried to get around looking for them, i suddenly woke up.

well, it's merely a dream. bunga tidur. gak jelas ada artinya atau cuma kebanyakan tidur yg ada jadi cape bangunnya. hm.. wish that rainbow thing means happiness.

talk about signs or premonitions, the anklet was broken. waktu bangun tau2 uda putus. first thought langsung telpon ngecek apa baik2 aja. ternyata salah besar. dia baik2 banget. that was a sign yg ditujukan buat g sendiri. a warning that something's not right. hell yes, since i was a child, from time to time i could get warning about certain things through my dreams. seperti ada yg jagain dan ngasih tau kalau ada sesuatu akan terjadi. atau lebih tepatnya sudah atau baru saja terjadi untuk gelang kaki satu ini. so instant, biarpun terlambat untuk gue menangkap arti pertanda itu cos i only found out about it few weeks later. yah intinya sooner or later eventually bakal jelas harusnya.

hope that weird dream about rainbow bisa membalikkan keadaan. mimpi yg bener2 aneh. something wonderful but followed by disaster. kalo ternyata bisa berarti jelek lebih baik ga usah punya arti apa2 dan biarkan itu memang hanya bunga tidur.

until now i still can't figure out if this is going there... i know it's going somewhere, but i just don't know if it's going there where i hope it is.

i miss the clear blue night sky with the very bright moonlight and stars everyway you look up. it was in bandung last friday, so beautiful in a breezy night that i felt like laying down on that parking lot just to enjoy the view longer. it was almost 2am. we just finished a movie marathon with jaf n his cousin, lusi.

strangely it gives that "plong" feeling when you look at it. felt like nothing else matter, just wanna enjoy that moment. felt like magic, amazed by how beautiful it was. atau lebih tepatnya kampungan karena di kota ga bisa liat clear night sky kayak gitu. huh.

anyway, that euphoric feeling doesn't last long. that was the night before i found out about the thing. so much for the starry night. what's left now is a feeling like there's a tonne of rock that hits me.

sometimes there are things that just can't be compromised due to the very opposite point of view, so the only way out is for one of them to take a break and let the other get it. i'm sure the favour would be returned.

seperti jalan di jalanan sempit yg cuma ada 1 jalur tapi memang ditujukan untuk bisa 2 arah. kalo ada 2 mobil datang dari 2 arah sama2 maju terus dan akhirnya ketemu di tengah hadap2an apa akhirnya ada yg bisa lewat? pasti salah satu harus ngalah dan mundur supaya akhirnya dua2nya bisa lewat dan sampe di tujuan masing2, kan? and that's what they called taking turns. bukannya malah ngotot ribut di tempat karena uda pasti sia2. yg kayak gini ini yg justru butuh action, bukan adu kerasnya.

so is this a f*cking cue or what? am i just too blind to get the hint and step into denial??

f*cking gut instinct but so f*cking true.

funnily, the main thing felt when i found out wasn't anger. not sure if disappointment was the right one either but surely it's there too. it's more like shocked because it's proven and so f*cking accurate.

just tell me, is there anything more that i just need to find out to verify that all this time my instinct was right and it's not just me imagining it and making it a fuss?? it's crap to alter my mind just to find out the first instrict turns out to be the correct one. trying to make a positive thinking just to find out that the negative one was right in the first place.

we both have our share of mistakes, admit that. i'm not here alone, so the efforts should come from both sides, don't you think? and i'm trying. just not that hard cos i'm still waiting for you to do your share too.

action speaks louder than anything and you've shown me that.

teach me how to be numb so i can get rid or even prevent that too attached thing that eln said to me. she's the smart one usually, but girls are just girls with emotions and feelings that are uncotrollable and technically override everything else.

so much for a feeling. it just makes us more vulnerable and fragile. like some said sarcastically: eat that, sucker! can't believe i had to admit that some of my friends were right.

and now thanks to him i can't get rid of that thing out of my mind. it instantly ruins everything. somehow i felt there's proud in doing it as a revenge. hope he's satisfied. i tried to see it from his side but still i can't accept that excuse cos that bad intention was really there.

golden euro

i really don't have the heart to go this time. feels like the faith in it starts to wore off slowly. crazy, huh? it's like the only thing for now but.. twisted me.

and with the current crazy going high rate!! have you seen the euro now?! what the %@^#?!!?!

darn it. must plan for that alternative travel asap.

stupid cable connection, stupid fb!!! i wanna join that egg hunting!!! darn it.

wish that the currencies aren't flying that high so i could take more time to go to more places while i'm there.. sigh.

sadness, anger, disappointment, hatred, and many more.
those are good reasons for blinding someone and kill the consciousness.

masalah kecil dihilangkan, masalah besar dikecilkan. and so it's said, easier said than done.

another sigh.

there's one thing i'm tempted to do recently. maybe because it's necessary to do. thing is, it's against my consciousness. against my point of view all this time.

*shrug* oh well, kita lihat aja gimana nanti apa ada hal yg bisa mengalahkan hati nurani dan prinsip yg udah dipegang mati2an sejak awal.

Dear God

dear God,
please kindly show us the way.
if it's for what meant to be, then let the path be smooth.
but if it's not, please guide us to ours.

ever watched the movie before? i just did about 2 weeks ago on the tv cable, can't remember whether it's on hbo or starmovies cos i was just killing time switching channels. i don't even know about that movie before, although i've seen some of the actors before. it's about a group of people working in a post office who received hundreds of letters addressed to God from many people with their own frustrations and problems, and finally they figured out that they actually could do something to fulfil those people's wishes.

what could you do for two opposites, such as the sun to the moon or the bright day to the dark night, to be able to in sync at the same time? very contrast and on different interests. they are saying that north poles on the magnets are to be attracting each other with other magnet's south poles, which have to be opposites. but for this it might not work that way. at least tried and proven in certain points.

stupid cycle of life

that dreadful question of when came from the least expected person. well, got a lot of that from where i am but this one is least predicted.

must move on to next, then. at least must start to think about it more seriously.

like.it.or.not.

with current or next, wish there's a sign. it's still as black as the night. no clue, no nothing. i hate that.