stepping forward or backward?

as we grow older we have more things, or better said problems, to think about. don't you agree? from simple daily stuffs to important things that we need to think over and over again to make sure that it's the correct choice we've made.

sometimes we wished that everything were more simple, so that we could just sit back and relax and let things go with the flow and be sure that it all would be ok. sadly, it only happens in dreams. well, at least that's the not-so-sweet reality for some of us.

making choices are difficult, especially ones that concern with our future. not knowing whether it's the correct and the best choice made is something very unpleasant. sometimes we make a decision and convince ourselves to stick with it, but often there are things that just makes us have to rethink about the choices we've made. this situation is definitely not a good progress. i guess we all have the same problem and dilemma.

sensitivity, more or less?

is this really a wrong choice? why does it always have to lead to be like this? who's actually being too sensitive or not sensitive enough? maybe it's me, but you don't need to react like that. or actually was it you? either way, you don't have to show it that way. cos i have enough too.

be nice, and i shall return you the sweetness
treat me nasty, i'll let you taste how bitter i can be

aren't those lines simple enough to be understood?

frequent flyer

this year 2006 is my most active year in terms of the numbers i went travelling, both for business and pleasure. let me try to remember...

mid jan : switzerland for annual meeting thing
end jan - early feb : continue to Beijing to visit a cousin
mid jun : balikpapan for ann's wedding
mid oct : s'pore with n and nin
1st week dec : bali with the usual people
2nd week : s'pore (again) for a neighbour's daughter's wedding and meeting with principal
3rd week : surabaya for a doc's workshop thing

i just came back yesterday early morning.

oh, does short road trip to puncak and bandung counts? if yes, add 3 more to the list. puncak was during 17 agustus-an holiday with w, jaf and c and the gang that time and stayed at his villa. as for bandung, twice. first one was with c, w, h and w's "kucing" on the week after the puncak and second one was on lebaran holiday.

i think that's all for now. just planned to go bandung with c when he goes back but maybe it's not necessary anymore.

btw, el's going to have her b'day (on nov. 30) celebrated this saturday night, dinner at kembang goela. ik said ok to her invitation so she's so happy, excited and looking forward to it. and since i'm her friend, i sincerely hope that guy won't disappoint her, despite of anything else.

i just don't care that much anymore

you're upset with me? i don't care, dear.
unhappy about my attitude? get a mirror, dear.

and don't think that i don't know what you think or feel about me. yes, i know. i'm more sensitive, remember? and i feel the same way about you. but i just don't care that much anymore about stuffs like that. sorry dear, it's just not that important to me anymore.

people change. and i do too.

empty head

sejak pulang dari bali 2 malam yg lalu ampe sekarang rasanya gue belom bener2 balik seperti awal deh. kepala masih setengah melayang ampe rasanya kayak zombie yg orangnya bangun dan bisa gerak tapi otaknya setengah kosong gitu. tapi gue uda nyetir dari hari pas pulang itu loh jadi masih lumayan lah ya tapi kalo disuruh mikir males banget. awas kalo bilang gue biasanya juga males mikir. rasanya gue belom bener2 puas tidur deh abisnya sejak pulang langsung ada aja yg mesti diurusin jadi tidur malem trus pagi2 uda diresein juga.

anyway, jumat ini gue ke sg lagi ma nyokap. half business thing and half pleasure time. anaknya temen nyokap merit disana and sekalian mau meeting sama principal. banyak banget masalah yg mesti diberesin. they sucks now. very very badly sampe merugikan kita banget. tapi semuanya act seperti smartass.

oh ya, i'll update about bali kapan2 deh kalo inget juga..

was it me?

i was asking myself, is it true that they are the ones that change? cos definitely some still get along nicely and even fit each other's silliness. mind you, i'm not referring silly here as in stupidity. it refers to funny, ridiculous things.

so, it occurs to me that perhaps i'm the one who change. could it be that way? perhaps it might be that way. but still, so does everybody else. we're no longer pure and naive. as time passes, the more we see and the more things we go through, the bigger ego we have. we no longer feel as comfortable as we used to with each other. it just feels different. at least i do know when i started to feel differently. i didn't ask for this but it just happened. perhaps no one wants it but it happened anyway.

too bad.