shit talk

aunt cis' father died last night. it was just like what my mom told her earlier when we were staying at her house in new jersey, that she should go back to visit her father while he's still alive. well, it's not easy for her to go for a long trip or flight so i can understand that part. i'm not sure about other reasons.

as we get older, the word death becomes more real, don't you think? and it scares the hell out of me. but it's not of my own. it's of the people around me. i've always have this feeling of being left alone, having nobody to care about me anymore. it's an awful feeling. maybe i'm just being paranoid, but it's true. as time passes, it becomes more real. well, it would be real too if you experience it in your tender age but what i mean is that the horrible feeling is more and more shocking from time to time. well, at least i know it would be for me. it's like reality bites. maybe when we're kids, maybe we heard that a's grandpa or b's grandma died. and then 20-30 years later we start to hear e's mom or m's dad died. can't imagine when maybe 40-50 years later we start to hear that a or b died. somehow it feels like counting down to our own time, eh?

born as a little baby, go to study as child and teenager, go to work as an adult, get married, have kids and maybe grandkids if you're lucky, get old and died one day. that's the cycle of life. well, you can consider yourself lucky if you could get through your old days in good health.

people do come and go from our lives. it's just hard to take it literally when it really comes. just hope there'll be no regret about anything.