if only

if only all the bad people are as stupid as he is
if only all of them are as "honest" as he is
if only they are as "generous" as he is
if only...

too bad that he is really that slow and the damages are so disadvantaging. hmph..

trying too hard or not hard enough?

that i myself can't answer. different people would see it differently on how much effort you put into something.

waiting for reality to kick in

hate this uncertainty. haven't feel anything big yet but surely it will if it finally gonna really hit this time. or maybe i'm just in denial for the hundreds of times.

little update dari apel gede

tokyo is cancelled, so we extended 2 more days in NY. oh, ndin still stick to the plan so she's leaving tomorrow morning. err.. make that in a few hours.

have to plan perfectly for the appointment in narita with the guy who'll deliver the items we firstly planned to meet in tokyo.. hope it'll work.

i just lost my holiday mood because of that stupid useless one. i'm so, so angry that i feel like swearing, punching and kicking him all at once. can't he do something right for once?? i mean, for god's sake, it's his fucking business too!!! can't he use his brain on this??

aarrgghhh, i'm so pissed off right now!!!

those bastards also crossed the line, but too bad it was that useless one they're always looking for and clearly everyone can see why. i don't care if we won't have any relationship with them in the future, they're no good but all disadvantaging for us anyway.

and for the stupid one, he might do nothing good either except just for the sake that he's exist.

BAH!!!

there are some things i did and said just out of feeling that it's a must. something like "sopan-santun". or maybe "basa-basi" would describe it more perfect.

anyway, in LA now, staying in san's house and have no idea where to go.

pain in the ass

feels like some people are just there being themselves to annoy you or pissed you off. these kind of people brings out the bad in you.

poetic mood

Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved.
George Sand

To love and to be loved is to feel the sun from both sides.
David Viscott

If you would be loved, love and be lovable.
Benjamin Franklin

Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none.
William Shakespeare

dekat tapi jauh

pernah gak tiba2 ngerasa orang yg selama ini ada di dekat kita terasa seperti orang asing? waktu kita diam dan melihat rasanya aneh dan tiba2 jadi seperti gak kenal lagi. jadi tiba2 males juga rasanya. agak ilfil. atau mungkin itu memang sisi lain yang belum kita lihat makanya terasa asing? atau mungkin yg selama ini diperlihatkan ke kita memang palsu? jadi tiba2 ilfil.

twisted words or twisted mind?

life still sucks for me.
i still suck at life.

a short chat with hen makes me think which one's more like it. two different meaning.

none of them is more preferable, thou.

denial

that thought of looking for another and hopefully better options is really still there.

i don't like uncertainty, but i still can try to live with it. it's THAT feeling that i can't tolerate at all.
it's rather insulting, don't you think? who the hell do you think you are?

but the most important thing is i'm not sure if the "it" material is there..

a "slight" changes here and there

kok kayaknya banyak yg melenceng dari rencana semula nih, yg tadinya dari 2 minggu bisa2 jadi sebulan. hm... moga2 smuanya lancar2 aja deh biar gak ada kenapa2 disana dan disini juga.

running out of time

at some point now it's still as vague as it was since the first time. everything's still blurred. no sign at all, which means no guarantee at all. maybe that's why the thought of looking for other option's still there. no secure sign in choosing the current option, whereas the other possibility might even be more certain, with plus minus here and there compared with the current. don't wanna make myself think that i'm stuck with this way cos i'm afraid to see other options.

sooner than later

it's going to happen, right? this is exciting! hope everything will be smooth =D

another predictable thing

to put it simple, i've ended all this grudge feeling. well, we ended it together.

i guess it finally reach our limit so this would be a good way out. and already i'm at ease =)

lega. no more faking it. no regrets too i guess.

Golden Pig Year

Gong Xi Fa Cai!!

may this golden piggy year brings even more happiness, luck, health and prosperity to all of us.

worse than expected

i decided to give it a shot tomorrow, for whatever it takes and for whatever it gives. fyi, it's still as dark as it was.

anyway, happy valentine!

not so surprised

i've made plan as a surprise but perhaps it won't be necessary anymore. hampir bisa dipastiin kalo keadaannya gini terus sih bakal suram. but i'm the one choosing to stick as far as we could. or at least as he could cos i know sometimes it was my bad.

can't complain this time cos it was my fault.

it takes a lifetime to know someone

i guess i'll never be able to know or even guess what's on his mind.. leave aside understanding him..

schizilly, should i try your just-kidding-suggestion to comfort myself? can you see how bad this affects me? me, who never used to this kind of stupid ideas but now, out of desperation, really wanna take it into consideration.

sigh.

kok bisa (tahan)?

pertanyaan dari rk pas chatting tadi bukan pertanyaan pertama atau kedua kali yg gue dapet waktu orang2 tau gue pacaran jarak jauh alias long distance.

dan jawaban gue: yah mau gimana lagi, gue coba sabar2in lah.. trying to survive. susah sih.

dan kalo ditanya co gue gimana? dia tipe cuek.

coba gue bisa sebodo amat gitu ya take it easy aja. gue heran apa dia ga kangen atau takut kehilangan gue yah? hehe.. sok berharga banget ya gue. entahlah..