gak kerasa it's already the second half of the time left for the deadline thing. mungkin ternyata gak terlalu efektif karena dari obrolan tadi sepertinya ada missing pieces here and there. yang seharusnya ditetapkan seperti apa pada awalnya akhirnya malah terlupakan dan jadi ga jelas.

i don't know what's best for both parties anymore. i just know this isn't suppose to be like this. too many things in both plus and minus to be taken in consideration. to be honest, i felt the same hopeless, but taking the easy way out is not my preferred choice. and definitely i won't let you take that shortcut either. it's no win-win. i still think that this could happen. it's just that you're the one who should take the lead and make a big step now. it's your turn. i've done what i can under that condition. with such low secure feeling.

can't you understand that i need that more than anything else? can't you see that i'm crying out loud begging for you to give what i need for the sake of all? i need something for me to hold on too. something more real. is that too much too ask? i know it's big but it's not like asking for you to die for me.

maybe i'm in denial. that i actually know already that it might turn out like this. but as the girls was saying about our own problems, it's not that easy to stick to what you've planned as the consequences. we're all afraid of taking the risks. or chances, for those optimist people. and so, pretending it's not the way it is, is easier.