finding polaris or just give me a damn map

gue kadang bisa jadi orang yang sangat keras. keras hati dan keras kepala. gue sadar tentang hal itu. it's not something good and definitely not something to be proud of cos sometimes it might backfire. well, it did happened before. gue suka nantang sesuatu yg gak seharusnya gue pertaruhkan sama sekali karena mungkin aja bisa terjadi yg gak gue harapkan sama sekali. kadang gue tau apa resiko dari perbuatan nekat gue yang kadang bisa dibilang diluar batas karena keterlaluan dan seenaknya aja tapi tetep aja gue lakuin. entah apakah itu ekspresi perasaan marah karena kemanjaan atau ketidakpuasan terhadap sesuatu. seperti anak kecil yang ngambek kalo ga dapet mainan seperti yang dia mau. yang selalu menuntut dengan keegoisannya tanpa membaca keadaan sekitarnya. yeah, mungkin memang seperti itu. childish.

sebenernya gue sendiri sering gak tau apa yg gue mau. sotong kan? cumi2. blur2 ga jelas atau malah lost? makanya kadang setelah dapet apa yg tadinya gue kira gue mau pun gue suka bingung apa ini bener yg gue mau? dan bisa aja ada rasa gak puas dan mikir harusnya ini lebih dari yg gue kira sebelomnya. bahkan kadang malah bisa bingung kenapa gue mau ini dan sebenernya gue mau ini tuh buat apa sih? mampus kan? mungkin bener kata orang yg pernah bilang kalo gue harus beragama supaya gue punya pegangan hidup untuk berjalan dengan lebih pede, yakin dan mantep. well, gue punya agama dan gue juga berdoa tapi gue tau itu gak cukup cuma begitu.

ahhh... so many mess need to be fixed but not sure where to start. i need someone to point me to the right direction. perhaps someone who knows how to control me.

the mirror has two faces

rasanya gue bisa cepet tua atau malah bisa cepet mati kali ya? gara2nya belakangan ini gue tambah sering marah2 aja alias bete2 gara2 itu orang. mungkin emang dasarnya karena gue uda sebel sama dia jadinya apapun yg dia ngomong atau lakukan pengen gue kritik semuanya. padahal katanya kalo kita gak bisa belajar nerima dan berubah maka kita akan terus berjodoh alias lagi2 ketemunya tipe orang2 yg kita sebelin. katanya sih sifat yg tercermin di orang2 sekitar kita adalah pantulan dari sifat kita sendiri. gimana donk? tapi tetep aja kayaknya gue gak punya sifat sebego itu!

padahal sebelom ini gue jg uda mulai ngerasa gimana tentang 1 hal lainnya. entah gimana kayaknya gue punya rasa gak puas. mungkin emang gue aja yg selalu banyak menuntut alias banyak maunya jadinya selalu merasa unsatisfied dengan apa yg ada. sometimes emang ada hal2 yg menurut gue emang sewajarnya seperti yg gue mau, dan udah gue perhatiin di orang lain juga seperti itu! jadi waktu ternyata hal itu lain di gue kadang gue sewot. apalagi banyak lain2nya deh yg bikin gue tambah geram kalo dipikir atau diinget. apaan seh ini orang kok kayak gitu? bukannya kalo gitu harusnya kayak gini? bahhh.

super ex

pernah denger cerita tentang co/ce yg baru putus trus nyariin mantannya lagi buat curhat alias cari someone to comfort him/her? gue sering. dan sempet kejadian di gue juga kayaknya. ehh.. maksudnya gue yg dicariin loh. kalo gue yg nyari sih belom pernah kayaknya hehe.

entah kenapa kadang ada aja orang2 yg suka seenaknya setelah putus atau mungkin lagi bermasalah aja dengan pacar mereka yg sekarang trus suka nyariin mantannya buat curhat2. kalo emang mantannya itu masih single dan available sih terserah tapi kalo uda punya pacar lagi? gak etis donk! biarpun emang selama setelah putus tetep temenan juga tapi tetep aja ada jaraknya. apalagi menurut gue co sama ce ga bakalan bisa ada yg bisa pure friendship. kalo sering deket2 dan sering jadi temen curhat lama2 feelingnya pasti jalan biarpun sedikit. so, tau diri lah jadi orang, coba tempatin diri loe di posisi pacarnya si mantan. apa loe seneng kalo pacar loe dicari2in atau deket2 sama mantannya? belom lagi kalo ada urusan c l b k antara mereka apa gak bikin tambah rumit? tapi kalo emang ampe orang yg uda punya pacar tapi karena deket2 sama mantan trus bisa clbk lagi pasti ada yg gak beres. entah emang orangnya gatel atau karena hubungan sama pacar sekarang lg ada masalah, tapi gimanapun tetep aja hubungan lagi bermasalah juga gak bisa dijadiin alesan. pokoknya gak bener menurut gue.

mau pake alesan kalo si mantan itu the love of your life? jadi loe ga bisa atau saling ga bisa ngelupain dan gimanapun sama2 masih punya feeling biarpun ngakunya uda move on? then why didn’t you get together again when you two are still available? kenapa harus setelah putus sama yg terakhir baru nyariin si mantan lagi atau malah nungguin si mantan putus dulu baru nyariin padahal sendirinya sekarang uda punya pacar? emangnya pacar yg sekarang itu cuma hiasan buat sambilan ngisi waktu luang loe selama loe nungguin ampe mantan loe single lagi? yg bener aja! go to hell to those kind of people.

orang baik dan orang bodoh

gue sering denger katanya kalo orang jahat makan dari orang baik dan orang baik makan dari atas. maksudnya yang jahat selalu ngambil dari yg baik tapi yang baik pasti dapet balesan/rejeki dari yang di atas alias Tuhan-nya.

kalo menurut gue, orang baik yg selalu bisa dimakan sama orang jahat itu artinya orang bego. fooled you once, shame on them. fooled you twice, shame on you for being stupid!! tapi kadang herannya emang selalu aja ada orang2 bodoh yg selalu menarik orang jahat untuk selalu deket2. yah mungkin karena bisa dibegoin makanya orang jahat jadi seneng deket2. intinya yg deketin orang bego ini pasti biasanya jahat kali ya. yg lebih heran dan ngeselinnya lagi tuh kadang2 si orang bego uda tau dibegoin tapi tetep aja ga menghindar. tetep aja ngebiarin orang jahat jahatin dia. mending kalo kerugiannya cuma kena di dia sendiri, lah kalo orang2 sekitarnya kena jg? apalagi kalo orang2 sekitarnya itu uda mati2an wanti2 dia supaya jangan mau aja percaya dibegoin orang jahat lebih ngeselin lagi kan? i mean, how low can you go? how more stupid can you be? mungkin cara nyadarin orang2 bodoh seperti itu ga bisa pake kata2 tapi beneran mesti dibikin shock dengan sesuatu biar tau rasa jadi kapok.

runaway vacation

kali ini g beneran nulis di word dulu baru dipindahin ke sini gara2nya ada tulisan "scheduled outage bla2" pas mau masukin entry. entah apa artinya karena g males buat cari tau. pokoknya mending cari aman de. bisa masukin saran ke blogspot ga seh tentang autosave draft?

dari kemaren siang gue nyoba booking tiket buat long wiken 17 agustusan minggu depan ke Penang tapi taunya semua flight, i mean semua airline fully booked tanggal 17. semua tujuan pula!! KL, singapore, bali bahkan medan. medan maksudnya jalan alternatif buat ke Penang selain KL. ada yg available 18 ke KL tapi tetep aja return datenya paling cepet tuh 23. sigh.. gila bener emang orang2 indo nih haus liburan. dikit aja ada libur langsung semuanya cabut melarikan diri dari kehidupan sehari-harinya yg bikin stress. gue yg plan mau kesana dari maret aja ampe sekarang ga berangkat2. well, segi positifnya mungkin jakarta bakal lebih ga macet. semoga.

darn it!

sebagus2nya blogspot ternyata lebih bagus livejournal yg bisa autosave draft dari post yg kita tulis. tadi gue lagi nulis blog panjang lebar cerita ini-itu tapi pas sebelom g klik save/publish tau2 laptopnya hang dan gak seperti lj, smua tulisan gue ilank!! bete gue.

masa gue beneran mesti nulis2 di word dulu baru dipindahin ke sini?

hectic life

kebalikan dari hari minggu yg dilewatin gitu aja, dari kemaren sampe skrg dibikin pusing soal embel2 urusan kerjaan yg lama2 setelah diliat2 lagi jadi mikir apa ini worthed the trouble and risks ya?

dikejer2 deadline ga jelas dengan tingkat resiko super tinggi dari orang2 yg entah apa bisa dipertanggungjawabkan. yang pasti terlalu risky buat kita.

this is one of the moments that makes me wish i have a career, working in other company instead of having a small company but have to mati2an and extra careful to survive. well, pardon my english yg lagi butut karena otak gue lagi capek dari kemaren mikirin soal ini.

blah.

whatever

is pamrih the same as expecting? there is still this stupid feeling that difficult to go away. it's that if-u-don't-do-it-then-don't-expect-me-to or if-u-do-that-i'll-do-the-same-too. is that pamrih? well, it applies to both good and bad things

a day of nothing

can't remember when was the last time i stay at home on a weekend. well, not the whole weekend but just today. yes, the whole of today. not even an inch outside the apartment. damn bored..

should've take this spare time to rest but instead i didn't lay a foot on my bed, although it's clear that starting tomorrow it's going to be a busy week. quite chaos, you might say. hope all will be alright.

yk has gone back to his home sweet home n sos in syd. looks like the next reunion might be on the next wedding party.

beyond reasonable doubt

is that the correct term we use in law thing? about someone is still innocent until proven guilty.

anyway, nothing from the above related to this post except for the doubt itself. yeah, i still have this feeling. tried to look inside myself but again it always lead back to the other side. attitudes that i tried to ignore and not making a big fuss about turn out to still affects me somehow. wondering the reasons for doing/not doing things are really as i was told or is there something else, for example not wanting to hurt other party? menjaga perasaan. if that's really it, then it was my feeling that wasn't taken into consideration.

which one do you think is better? not knowing it and be happy in white lies (agak seperti dibodohin) OR knowing things that cause not only relieve but worry too at the same time. which do you prefer?

an intermezzo

one guy with 3-4 girls around him available for him to choose. so he made the decision to choose one. but would that one chosen girl be the one he always think of? would that girl be the one he cares the most? only himself and God know what's inside the guy's head.

reunion, if everything's good

lin n y should be arriving this afternoon but yk is super busy running errands. contacted vie and tom already, just lack of tm and er, whom i can't remember when was my last contact with her.

quite difficult to join the 2 groups together, eh? especially when no one wants to be the eo. well, let's just see how it'll go tomorrow night after the party.

sudoku

gue punya hobi baru yg sebenernya ga guna yaitu main sudoku. lumayan bikin jadi mikir seh tapi yg ada pala jadi puyenk juga lama2 haha.. kemaren si c beli bukunya jadi ya uda deh gue lagi hobi2nya hehe. oiya, akhirnya kemaren gue kesampean juga makan soto mamat di muara karang padahal uda ngidamnya dari bulan lalu kali tuh ampe si c and kendi bosen gue cerewetin mamat mulu katanya haha.. enak sih tapi ga banyak menurut gue jadi yg ada gue makan 2 porsi and 2 nasi juga, that makes me eat as much as kendi!! *pingsan* si kendi aja bengong liat gue rakus gitu katanya hahaha... biarin deh abisnya entah kapan baru gue ketemu itu soto lagi =p

terus... ntar siang ke gading lagi. ada rif and mul yg janjian mau jalan bareng ma kita jadi lumayan seru sih harusnya. yk juga uda disini dan harusnya bisa ketemuan juga kalo pas gue telpon dia ada di rumah. kalo pi, dll kayaknya mending kalo mereka ga nyari gue ga usah nyari soalnya ntar bisa2 rusuh lagi deh.

old fling

that's the first comment that came out from n when i told her that pi is here and i went out with him on tuesday nite. what the? hey, we did talk on the phone and i, regrettably, shared my darkest secrets with him but nothing more than just used-to-be-close-friends-once. he did helped me moving on and cheer me up when i just ended a relationship last time but after that we didn't even contact each other for more than a year. until early this week when he suddenly msg me on fs saying he's back in jkt for good. i think he's looking for me just for companion, nothing more. well, after what happened last time, i don't think he will have any intention other that friendship towards me. he just came back from overseas and so he's looking for friends from everywhere.

a long tiring day

started with waking up from a bad dream that makes me feel bad for a moment, followed with endlessly request about the same thing from many places. definitely for the same target.

had a pair of sore eyes, backache and hungry. but still i'm sitting quietly in front of the screen typing useless things.

in need of a break

v and m: impatience, short-tempered, high-level voice tone, stubborn and judes. this drives dd mad slowly cos as i said dd is ignorant and slow, so v and m need to emphasize on important things for dd to get it.

additional for m: bertele-tele. this drives v and dd mad almost all the time. you don't need to be slow to know that this is annoying.

dd: ignorant, not paying enough attention about things and slow. this drives v and m mad because they have to repeat things again and again to make sure dd got it and so it makes them impatience dan keluarlah high-level tone which makes dd unhappy about that.

can u imagine how people with those characters and attitudes get along with each other? must be a damn great effort, huh? it's darn difficult. bener2 mesti pake usaha dan niat.

note: all these bad characters apply only among themselves. but i'm sure it could effect their attitudes towards other people too sometimes.

another wedding bell

received bet's wedding invitation this morning and it's on the 22nd this month. this is going to be a great reunion if lin, ym and hen are coming. too bad yk wouldn't be able to attend the wedding cos he got his sis' wedding held on the same time. but i hope we can meet up after that cos i don't think the others that come from out of town and overseas would stay long here.

hm... makin banyak aja temen2 gue yg uda merit.

soccer time

italy won 2-0 over germany alias the host!!!

c said that it was on the last 2 min that italy score both goals. wow... see? i've told him that it would be "seru" if the host lost. he said that this time italy played aggressively, more offensive than the usual defensive mode. well, don't really care nor understand soccer but i did love to see italy won. hate it when england and brazil had to pack home..

moms to be

i know that it's impossible but i'm not laughing about it anymore. yes, i started to freak out myself. it never happened before, i mean i never think about it at all, that's why i tot i was silly at first but as time passes it's not that funny anymore.

btw, ann is pregnant already!! wow.. bener2 bibit unggul, eh? another couple that broke the myth that says first time won't get you pregnant. see? her life is really one that very far from complicated but sometimes she denies that.

study - engaged - finish the degree - get merried - pregnant.

then only came the honeymoon. actually, ann and b are in their honeymoon tour now actually. what more can she expect? well, a few years relax before baby time could make it more perfect thou.. ta is also pregnant so yeah, i'm surrounded with preggers. and like an said, when is MY turn?? er.. but that's kinda scary for me now :p

anyway, that's life. people are never satisfied with what they have and they always look for what they don't or can't have in other people who have it.

wiken lagi

bener2 gila wiken dateng pergi cepet banget ga berasa. tadi pagi si ta telpon bilang dia uda di sini and ada di apt. mungkin dia dateng dari semalem tapi yg pasti gue rada males kalo bilang hari ini gue sempet bisa2 diajak ke bandung lagi deh ntar malem. gue emang lagi pengen maen2 ke bandung tapi kalo inget muka adenya mending ga usah deh. sumpe males banget liat muka adenya yg menyebalkan.

padahal pengen gue ajakin liat2 zara yang katanya lagi sale up to 50% tapi bisa2 gue digeret dia ampe malem deh. gimana mau excuse coba kalo tau2nya gue jadi mau nyusul si n and hen. pokoknya gue tetep berpikir kalo the whole member of that family are weirdos biarpun kategori anehnya beda2. yang paling mending ya cuma si ta itu menurut gue. semoga aja bener.