scary deja vu

belakangan ini ada hal yang bikin gue takut. entah kenapa semakin dilihat rasanya makin terlihat adanya kemiripan seseorang yang gak g suka dalam dirinya. menakutkan.

missed buses

must i push to the limit if u can't just take hints? yg kayaknya uda bukan dengan bisikan lagi tapi dengan teriakan. i'm sure u're not deaf nor blind. u're just ignoring it. berlagak bego. berlagak gila.

i think about it quite often lately. yang ujung-ujungnya berakhir dengan desahan napas yang menyesakkan dan air mata yang maksa mau keluar. the more i think of it, the more sad i become. it seems hopeless.

i don't know what i want anymore. di satu sisi, somehow i feel i must move on if it's still clueless. life goes on while u're busy wasting time. tapi di sisi yg lain i'm too scared to make any decision. takut untuk keluar dari comfort zone denial ini, bahwa semua pasti akan jadi lebih jelas. sejak tahun lalu. dan msh ada yang memberatkan hati dan juga sesuatu yg akan meninggalkan kesan buruk. and the worst part, either way is my lost. nasib sebagai pihak yang lebih lemah memang merugikan.

wish i have the strength and courrage to make a choice. by now u should know already how hard it was to get to this point, which is not far from where we started it. and next stop seems nowhere to be seen. entah kapan nyampenya. kadang rasanya hopeless.

how can u move on if u can't let go?

ignorance is bliss. wish i have it

is it wrong to have different expectations now and then?

people change, and perhaps so do their expectations toward things or other people. things that used to matter a lot could be something unimportant now or the other way around. i've seen that happens. and there are lots of disappointments from where it came from. and you can't really put the blame on anyone.

you can't make someone change into the way you want them to be. so it's not really A's fault if he/she stays the same but B change his/her mind about something A does/doesn't. things that were ok in the beginning might now feel annoying. what's left are only disappointments and regrets in B's heart and mind. and to be honest, i'm very scared about it too. i don't know whether my expectations would stay the same or change while there's possibility that things might stay the way they are.

please don't let me do/say things that would add the list of things i regret..

sometimes i wonder if i've made the right decision about this all this time. just crossing my fingers and wishing very hard that there would be no regrets. now or later.

well, you know how suck i am at making the right choices.

blah.

shame on you if you fool me once, shame on me if you fool me twice

i was wondering if you're trying to make me look like a fool in front of that person or not.

maybe you didn't realize that what you did was bad for me. but too bad for you, i'm not someone that naive nor stupid that i could straight away tell that something was not right. and shame on you, i was right.

you could try, or as a matter of fact, you did tried to act stupid in front of me, but you know it won't work so why did you even bother and try? come one, babe. you know it won't be easy to fool me. i'm super sensitive, remember? that i could tell if something's wrong, even if that came from someone totally unimportant to me.

dan gue masih juga bingung kenapa loe masih juga gak bisa belajar untuk lebih terbuka dan jujur. apapun alasan loe, itu bullshit semua buat gue. i appreciate honesty more than caughting you doing ugly stuff myself.